Push My Buttons

How in the name of sweet talullah did my teenaged son learn to so effectively push my buttons that I found myself in the doorway of his room willing myself with every fibre of my being not to throw the bottle of contact lens solution in my hand at his head.  Seriously and truly, I saw myself hurl it at him, I saw the bottle make contact with his snarky mouth, and I saw that it felt so good.  So good that I had to walk away, calmly and slowly to my room before I did something that I may or may not regret but could surely get me arrested.

Add to this the fact that his aunt is taking him to NYC tomorrow and I have already threatened to take away the trip.  Of course I can't - the tickets are paid for are everything is set so unless I want to ruin everyone's weekend, I will not remove that.  I took his phone away and sent him to his room to study for his exam for the night.  I am not satisfied with that however I have decided to drop it for tonight, because my desire to throw something at him is so strong that I just might.  Sigh.

Raising 2 Generations of Kids

I often feel as though I am raising 2 generations of kids.  I joke that I feel like I am raising my own grandchildren due to the age gap.  My son is almost 17, has his learner's permit to drive, is entering his last year of high school and is very independent most of the time.  My daughter will be 8 months in a few days, she is just about to pop a tooth, has mastered sitting up and her world ends when I leave the room without her.

I love being a mom to my two kidlets and cannot believe how lucky I have been to get to do this all again.

With that said, I now want to tell you that some days I think about shaving my head bald in public and being admitted to a secure facility where my biggest worry is when my next pretty pink pill will be coming.    Although he is usually an amazing kid, once in awhile my kiddo will make comments that just make me wish for a chalkboard to run my fingernails down.  I might be in the middle of getting dinner on, and trying to keep Little Miss entertained in her highchair, but sometimes she just fusses.  It happens.  My kiddo will happen to walk in right then and say "Are you just going to leave her?"  Argh!  He walked in one day when Little Miss had just finished enjoying some watermelon...well, her body, arms, chair and the floor also enjoyed the watermelon.  My kiddo walks in and says, "She's really sticky, you should wash her."  Sigh.

 We feed our dogs twice per day, and they generally both eat out of one bowl, empty it, then later finish the second bowl.  Neither dog is super food motivated so there is often food left in one bowl when the next feeding time comes.  The other day, my kiddo walked past the dog food bowls and noticed that one was empty.   He asked me "Have the dogs been fed yet tonight?"  I replied "Not yet," and he responds with "You might want to make sure they get fed."  OMG

Don't get me wrong, the same kiddo also offers to help if we need help with household repairs, he is generally polite and appreciative, doesn't get into too much trouble and is a pleasure to spend time with most of the time.

Yep, while I get the extreme pleasure and privilege of raising two amazing kids, some days I just want to scream.

Teenspeak? Gobbledegook!

My kiddo walked into the kitchen last night to happily announce than "Oofka" would be on tv.

"Oofka?" I asked.

"Yes, Oofka.  Sound it out Mom," he encouraged.

"What does it mean?" I asked.  He refused to tell me, telling me I needed to sound it out.

Me: "Oooofffkkaaa  Oooooooffffffkkkkkkkkkkaaaaa"

Kiddo: "You're not very good at this."

Me: "What does it meeeeaaan?" I whined.

Kiddo: Rolls his eyes as he says "UFC"

Me: "What?!?!?  UFC?  That is nothing like Oofka!"

Kiddo: "You don't know anything."

Sigh

Kiddo: "Ipple is also on, but you won't know what that is"

I didn't ask.  I may have to check my cable bill to see if we get charged for any 'special movies'.

The Dark Ages

Friday afternoon our power went out.  I was a little frazzled as I'd committed to making 10 pounds of scalloped potatoes and meatballs for a get together.  Luckily the meatballs were cooked and just simmering in the slow cooker...the potatoes were not so lucky, as they lay sliced and washed in their pan waiting to bake.

Once I realized the power would be out awhile, I took Little Miss up to the family room to relax.  My 16 yr old kiddo walked past and asked
"What am I supposed to do?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"There's no power - what am I supposed to do?"
I laughed and suggested "Why not read a book?"
He smirked and replied "No"
"Why not watch a movie on your personal DVD player?"
"No"
"Okay, you could read a sports magazine."
"No"
At this point I laughed as I realized he had no idea how to entertain himself without electricity.
"How about cleaning your room?"
"I did yesterday," he replied (and he had)
"Play on my iPhone"
"Naw"
"Walk the dogs"
"No"
The whole time he was saying no, he had a half smile on his face as if he were enjoying shooting down every single idea I threw at him.
"Have a snack"
"I just did"
"Hmmm" I glanced around the room and saw the camera.  "Why not take some pictures?"

"Okay" he said.  Wow!  Then he spent ten minutes taking picture after picture of me feeding Little Miss her bottle.  Here is a sample.

This is a more flattering one.  There were many too hideous to share as I stared a death-stare into the zoomed in camera lens.

Once Little Miss was finished eating, my kiddo and I played a dice game which was fun.  Halfway through the game, the power came back on.  He jumped up and shouted "Later!" and he was gone.  Oh well, it was fun while it lasted!

(PS: The potatoes were a hit!)

I Have Super Powers!

The title says it all.  I realized today that I have Super Powers.  I have the power of ...wait for it...Invisibility!  


Those of you with teenagers will get it...those with smaller children, stop reading now.  Really.  I don't want to ruin the surprise for you!


So for those that kept reading, you obviously have or have had teenagers, those half grown creatures that only slink out of bed as the sun is changing courses from east to west, and spend what seems like four hour stretches in the bathroom only emerging as the sun sets, ready to start their day night.


Last night I dropped my half grown boy off at the local hockey rink at 9:00pm (yes, my bedtime).  Along the way we collected another half grown boy/man.  I proceeded to attempt conversation with the two half-men...nothing.  You know the sound crickets make...well it's winter and there're no crickets.  They just sat there in the car, itching to get out of the company of someone older than 25.


As we pulled up I asked my half man/boy if he had his phone so he could call for a ride home.  The response - "hm".  What the heck does "hm" mean?  Apparently it means "yes".  (I *think* that means I also speak another language).  I said "Have fun" and they got out of the car.  I said "See you in awhile" and the doors slammed.  I suddenly realized I might be invisible.


I could see myself in the rearview mirror (I checked) so I knew I wasn't a vampire.  Just invisible!  The thoughts tumbled through my head - what can I do with this new-found power?  I could hang out near my son and find out all the teenage gossip, I could look over the Hubby's shoulder to find out all of his computer passwords, OR...I could make myself invisible when the baby cried so someone else would go and tend to her at 4am!  


Muuhuuhahahaha  I am so excited!




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While we are on the subject of half grown people - why is it okay to leave the water filter in the fridge when it is *this* empty?