I thought I'd take some time today to reflect on some of the things I have learned about being a mom!
(I apologize because I have some funny pics to go along with this post but my scanner seems to have crapped out. I'll try to uninstall and reinstall tonight and upload the pics tomorrow!)
If you have children with hands do not get white or cream coloured furniture. This also applies if you have doggies with feet.
The one floor you manage to finally get mopped will have something spilled on it within 4.8 minutes.
Spilled milk in the backseat of the car must be properly cleaned (yes even under the floor mat) or it will haunt you for weeks and weeks. And the chunky milk you find under the mat will make you gag a lot.
No one bats an eye when you let you child go to Walmart sporting a fresh scab on his chin and wearing in an army uniform, viking helmet, rubber boots and a Christmas tie. Really.
Babies will always find a way to pee on you, no matter how careful and quick you change them.
The fancier the outfit you are wearing, the more your child will puke on you. Bonus - If you have your hair professionally styled, they'll puke there too.
Children make liars out of you - no matter what you tell people about your child, they will never act that way in front of that person.
If you decide to go for a nice walk with your young one, they will make you stop at every. single. park. along the way.
There is something fascinating about restaurant bathrooms. Be prepared to see the inside of every single one of them while your child is between the ages of 1 and 10.
Babies will always sneeze with their mouths full. And usually when you are sitting in the direct line of fire.
Quiet children are never a good thing. If they are quiet, sneak as close as possible in order to hear what kind of shenanigans they are planning. It usually involves lighter fluid, marshmallows and crayons.
When all of the shelves collapse in the basement, you will find out that nobody did it. This is also the case when you find empty pop cans, torn couch cushions, or sticky stuff on the computer keyboard...nobody is very busy.
When you tell you child not to throw any more toys or he will lose them, prepare yourself anyways for the truck that comes flying at the back of your head...it hurts.
If you give your kids remote controlled volkswagon beetles for Christmas, and then go to make a nice family breakfast, know that one of them will decide to run the beetle up your back, into your long hair and all the way to your scalp where it will be stuck until your husband spends an hour dislodging your hair that is wrapped repeatedly around the front axle. This hurts too. And you will have to hold the car to your head in the meantime to avoid it pulling all of your hair out. Yep.
Pre-teen and early teen boys eat like they are never going to be fed again. Get yourself a second job, and buy in bulk.
The above boys also multiply...no matter how many you gave birth to, there will always be two to three times that hanging out in your basement, so be prepared with food for them too...just make sure it's not too tasty or you'll inherit them forever.